Question and Answer

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They're hiring.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Moods

MOODS OF A WOMAN

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

MOODS OF A MAN

Horny.

Adam's New Organs

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some good news and some bad news."

''Well, give me the good news first.''

"'I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have wonderful conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your new intelligent life form and populate this planet.''

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, ''These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?''

''The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time.''

Breast stroke

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out. 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde." The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."

The Coroner's Office

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

Coroner tells the Inspector: 'First body: A Frenchman, 72, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.'

'Second body: 'Irishman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'

The Inspector asked, 'What of the third body?'

'Ah,' says the coroner, 'This is the most unusual one. Danny Earl, the Redneck from West Virginia, 30, struck by lightning.'

'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.

'Thought he was having his picture taken.'

Barracks

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, 'Your barracks door is open.' This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, 'Your fly is open.' He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his 'barracks door. He was planning to have a little fun with her.

When he reached her counter he said, 'When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?' The lady (being smarter than a man) thought for a moment and said, 'No, no I didn't . All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.