Sunday, February 04, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Bra Sizes
Finally...........there is a rhyme to the reason of the strange designation given to bra sizes:
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, here is the answer...
A - Almost Boobs...
B - Barely there.
C - Can't Complain!
D - Damn!
DD - Double damn!
E - Enormous!
F - Fake
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18 Sayings at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout
the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation
with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may
be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do
however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express
your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New
and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING:
She's an motiviating assertive worker.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting b__ch.
3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f______ way.
5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh__ing me!
6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh__.
7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f______ problem.
8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f___?
9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh__ won't work.
10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the h___ didn't you tell me sooner?
11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a f______ moron that doesn't know his a__ from a hole in the wall..
12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
No one talks to me like that motherf_____!
13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a__ if you think you can do a better job.
14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F___ it, I'm on salary.
15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
What are you, f______ stupid?
16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
Now I gotta do that f______ job too?
17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the h___ died and made you boss?
18 ) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a f______ ass____.
Thank You, Human Resources
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
Management lesson
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office... But she belonged to someone else...
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..." but the girl said "NO."
Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. She agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...
She said "The bastard used quarters!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
