Management lesson

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office... But she belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..." but the girl said "NO."

Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. She agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...
She said "The bastard used quarters!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

Being told to 'Think Outside the Box' when I'm in the @#$%? box all day!

Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.

Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire.

That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.

Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.

23 power cords, 1 outlet.

Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out."

No Dirty Words

It is hard to find a joke without a dirty word or two in it. Here is one with none:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.'"

The $100 Tattoo

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, 'Where in the hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'

'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you Get?'

'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.

'What the hell were you thinking?' she said, Shaking her head in disdain.

'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?'

'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.'
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.'
Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, '
instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'"

7 Kinds of Sex

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on."