Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Rubber Gloves
>> Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves you can remember this.
>>
>> A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous
>> so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
>>
>> "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
>>
>> "No, I don't," she replied.
>>
>> "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of
>> latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their
>> hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes
>> of the right size."
>>
>> She didn't crack a smile.
>>
>> "Oh, well. I tried," he thought.
>>
>> But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she
>> burst out laughing.
>>
>> "What's so funny?" he asked.
>>
>> "I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"
>>
>> Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Bumper Stickers for Redneck Cars
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
If You Drink, Don't Park; Accidents Cause People.
Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
Thank You For Pot Smoking.
To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.
If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else ... And Seek Counseling.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
The Earth Is Full --- Go Home.
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.
So Many Pedestrians --- So Little Time.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help.
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand Basket?
It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off. [Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest].
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.
Fight Crime --- Shoot Back!
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over. [Seen upside Down, On A Jeep]
Remember Folks --- Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Guys --- No Shirt, No Service; Gals --- No Shirt, No Charge.
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba the Hut?
Necrophillia --- That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
Ax Me 'bout Ebonics.
Body By Nautilus --- Brain By Mattel.
Boldly Going Nowhere.
Cat --- The Other White Meat.
Caution --- Driver Legally Blonde!
Don't Be Sexist --- Broads Hate That.
Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.
Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Fall Classes for Men
Fall Classes for Men at
THE
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Monday, April 09, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Duck, Pig
A husband walks into the room where his wife is and he is holding a duck under his arm.
He says, “This is the pig I’ve been fucking.”
The wife says, “That’s not a pig, that’s a duck”
The husband says, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
POSSIBLY THE VERY BEST CHICKEN JOKE EVER
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against
the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and
says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
How Cockroaches Work
Entomologists estimate that there are between 5 and 10 million species of insects on Earth. But if asked which insect they hate the most, many people would have no trouble choosing just one – the cockroach.
There are plenty of reasons to dislike cockroaches. Their flattened bodies, leathery wings, skittering legs and long, waving antennae give some people the creeps. Because roaches eat garbage and waste, they can spread bacteria like Salmonella and Shigella from place to place. As they walk, they leave trails of fecal matter which they use to find their way around. On top of being gross, these trails can cause stains and odors. The proteins in cockroach saliva and waste can also cause allergies and aggravate asthma.
Full StoryFriday, March 09, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Saturday, March 03, 2007
The Blonde TGIF
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator,
there was a blondee already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F"
(letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said
as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
powered by performancing firefoxMonday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Here’s the a list of 13 Places To Watch TV For Free Online:
1. FreeTube (completely free alternative to cable television that lets you watch tv channels and TV shows online using just your browser.)
2. Hiveproductions (lists shoutcast tv streams.)
3. Tape it of the Internet (Over 2,000+ TV shows or 90,000+ episodes, including all the big shows like Lost, Prison Break, etc)
4. Streamic (More
then 300 real TV channels to choose from including NBC, ABC, ESPN, BBC1
and many more, organized in categories and ranked by the site users)
5. TVlinks (A directory that amalgamates the most popular tv shows, cartoon anime series.)
6. PPStream (Sports, movies - all in one please. Just choose a show from the list of available channels)
7. ABC (Watch popular shows like Lost, Desperate Houswives, Alias etc online)
8. PeekVid (Over 700 episodes of popular shows such as 24, Buffy, Desperate Housewives, Family Guy. Shows can be downloaded)
9. PPlive (a popular service for watching many foreign channels)
10. TV-Video (All the latest TV shows as they aired including 24, Smallville, Prison Break, Lost etc)
11. TVU Player
(TVU is a nifty little player that offers users a variety of channels
that can be used to watch normal TV or Sport. US channels are also
found on this player.)
Update:
12. Chooseandwatch (It’s a free TV portal where you can watch more than 250 online TV channels. Some of them have to be good.)
13. Channelking (Channel King provides the best
selection of free Internet TV channels. Free broadband TV channels from
around the world enable you to watch TV from anywhere with broadband.)
I’m not superstitious but I’ll let you finish up my list with your favorite TV portals.
powered by performancing firefox
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
A loving husband
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Monday, February 19, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
MARRIED FOR A NIGHT
A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both
married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same
sleeping room on a
transcontinental train.
/> Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they
were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and
she in the lower.
/> At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
/> "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend
that we're married."
/> "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
/> "Good," she replied. "Get your own blanket!"
/> After a moment of silence.......
/> he farted.
powered by performancing firefox
Morning Riddle
What Gets Longer When Pulled,
Fits Between your boobs,
inserts neatly in a hole
Works Best When jerked?
/>
A Seatbelt you pervert! Buckle Up!
Fits Between your boobs,
inserts neatly in a hole
Works Best When jerked?
/>
A Seatbelt you pervert! Buckle Up!
powered by performancing firefox
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
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