AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Amish Road Rage

Amish Road Rage - Watch more free videos

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH & HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS! THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, CO-WORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!

DANGEROUS:	SAFER:	SAFEST:	ULTRA SAFE:
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?	CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER?	WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER?	HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.
ARE YOU WEARING THAT?	WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN!	WOW! LOOK AT YOU!	HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.
WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT?	COULD WE BE OVERREACTING?	HERE'S MY PAYCHECK.	HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.
SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT?	YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF APPLES LEFT.	CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT?	HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.
WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY?	I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVER-DO IT TODAY.	I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE!	HERE, HAVE SOME MORE WINE.

13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:

1. PASS MY SHOTGUN

2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING

3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE

4. PUFFY MID-SECTION

5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK

6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS

7. PARDON MY SOBBING

8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE

9. PASS MY SWEATS

10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME

11. POOR MEN SUCK

12. PACK MY STUFF

& MY FAVORITE ONE

13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT

Ultimate Peep Show

Firewood

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
'Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside
them logs, but he's hidin' it there.." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).

Still Funny

Saying Goodbye

Victorias Secret Revealed

Bill Gates - Last Day

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE -- Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, And tell others to eat shit. Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference Between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, And some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose. So When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit! Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head........... Well, Shit Happens!!! I HOPE YOUR SHITTY DAYS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN..