No Limbs

A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No', so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said 'No', so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said'Have you ever been fucked?'
The fellow said 'No', She said 'You will be when the tide comes in.

Bouncing on dad!

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents' bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, 'Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him.'

His mom is taken by surprise and says. 'Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again.'

The boy says, 'That won't work.'

His mom says, 'Why?'

The boy replies. 'Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!'

Office Space Soundboard

Office Space Soundboard

Wise Man Sayings

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Man who drops watch in toilet bound to have crappy time.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget

Redneck Jury

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the red neck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.